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The Chronicles of Bambi-land

Thursday, January 19, 2006



90210 MEETS 02138

Harvard is to start publishing its own juicy/exhilerating magazine about the life of Harvardites with its new magazine 02138....That's right, Harvard 02138 [insert Beverly Hills 90210 music/attitude] will be premiering soon as the new magazines for all those hip, powerful, sexy, wild and crazy people who reside in 02138. Look out US Weekly, Vanity Fair and Cosmo... 02138's going to put the SASS back in MASS.

STUDY SHOWS MEN ARE BASTARDS



This morning slate published the following study, which shows that men are...well bastards. BUT HOLD ON MEN, it apparently isn't your fault.

According to Slate:

"More evidence that men are vindictive: Brain scans show that when somebody they dislike suffers pain, men—but not women—show a) zero activity in empathy-related parts of the brain and b) a surge of activity in pleasure-related parts of the brain. In the study, disliked people were those who had behaved selfishly in a game. Interpretations: 1) Men are born mean. 2) Men are made mean. 3) Men are deeply ethical and reserve empathy for those who deserve it. 4) Men do women a service by instinctively punishing cheaters."

Hmmm... let me dissect their analysis of this point by point:

1. Yes, I can buy that...my 3rd grade arch nemesis who used to throw spit wads at me clearly proves this point
2. Yes, I can also buy that...enter DC men who come to this land all sweet and humble, yet get sucked into the boys club of ego-manic, indifferent, self-entitled swinger lifestyles.
3. Hmm...some names are coming to mind that make me question this point: Tom Delay, Jude Law, Karl Rove, Scott Peterson, Hugh Grant, Charlie Sheen, George Bush, Jack Abramoff, Stalin, Pol Pot, Nero, my last three boyfriends of note, etc..
4. Ummm, clearly that was written by a man.

MY ANALYSIS:

1. Men: Instead of being upset by this posting, revel in it. It gives you even more justification for that famous line you men so like to use: "It's not my fault [insert girl's name], I'm a man". I can sense the wheels are turning about all the possiblities/ uses this study can be to you.

2. Women: More proof that the life of a lesbian aint too shaby.

**Think I'm being too harsh on men/DC men, please set me straight. Post your comments**

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

DATING LOWS

Ok...So I'll be the first to admit that dating in this city is at the best difficult. Finding someone who isn't consumed with him or herself, his/her job, isn't moving away in the next month, and wants something in between casual fling (re: Hillrats) and instant marriage (re: creepy nextdoor neighbor of mine) is a lofty thing to find. I can understand singleton's desperation and seeking new ways to find that ellusive connection.

However, I draw the line at using disabled people for your pick up lines. Enter the following Missed Connections posting on DC's craigslist today. This I do believe tops the best/most creepy pick up line I've heard while here in the city, which involved a marraige proposal, porn reference and bizarly a Molly Ringwald comparison.


***************************************************

tall woman with a disabled young man - m4w - 28

Reply to: pers-126301730@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-01-18, 7:47AM EST


i saw you last night in Bethesda. You were dining with a disabled boy. I was captivated by your beauty and compassion.

I tried to make eye contact with you, but you were too involved with your situation. I was the tall/athletic build, brown hair, man in his late 20s wearing a black sweater.

Drinks? Would love to get to know you.

***************************************

Oh, and for those of you who missed it on Wonkette, or didn't see it for yourself on "the List," the Alito hearings served as a great dating venue for reporters alike who also posted numerous Missed Connections...which thanks to Wonkette's posting are mostly all taken down now. Glad to see hearings affecting the outcome of the Supreme Court are serving some good purpose.

**************

Alito hearings

Reply to: pers-124907862@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-01-12, 10:35PM EST


I was in the press gallery. You were sitting behind Senator Sessions, brown hair, and came over to take photos. If we see each other tomorrow, let's talk!


LAWYERS WITH ATTITUDE?

So a little bird told me about this fairly big law firm with over 19 offices throughout the world (one here in DC as well) whose logo is a bit...shall we say spunky. That's right, Morrison Foerster, a global powerhouse apparently in the world of law is known to everyone as MoFo...and proudly so. As my ever so eloquent friend stated "Don't they have someone under the age of 30 to approve logo/design?" Apparently, they either don't or MoFo is intentionally putting a little shizzle in the lawyering bizzle.

www.mofo.com

Friday, January 13, 2006


FREYED TRUTHS AND SUBURBAN RAGERS...

As with most things in life-especially those lives residing within the walls of Bami-land and its ever bumbling beauracrats, truth is oh so very relative. So it turns out that ex-junkie James Frey who published A Million Little Pieces in 2003, a book describing a life of drugs, desperation, crime and living on the edge of sanity that thanks so Opera's tearful endorsement has grossed millions, is in fact not a memoir of a man who crossed into the depths of despair, drugs and near death. Rather, it seems that Frey's rather cushy, safe and comfortable childhood raised in suburbia is the cause of Frey's suburbia rage. Yes that's right...all you fools who shelled out the bucks to read about a man who received no hand outs in life, no symphathy and who hit rock bottom of America's lowest drug worlds only to pick himself back up to inspire others, is in fact the annoying middle class privileged loner boy you grew up with suffering from the all too common suburbia rage derived from a life of shocking boredom and unabashed security.

So this got me thinking about truths and embellishments. We all do it from time to time in small doses. "I'm the junior associate responsible for public policy issues" is really in Bambi-land speak "executive assistant to a think tank senior associate" It seems like so much of Bambi-land's population suffer from this suburban rage/inferiority complex and feel the need to bolster their otherwise self-deemed boring lives with tales of danger, intrigue and success. Just today while grabbing my lunch I overheard a herd of suburban ragers talking about their "crazy times." The sad thing about Bambi-land Suburban Ragers (BSRs) is that they're all so transparent. This particular group seemed to spend far too much time in their faux ghansta speak, particularly on the term "up in their grill" which they proudly kept repeating with definition to their "less ghetto saavy" friends. So, as a aid to all potential or current BSRs I'd like to present you with a helpful list of things to avoid when attempting a Frey on a story of your life...a do and don't of Pinocchio story telling from someone who claims not to have lived a rockstar lifestyle, and isn't striving for BSR-hood...but rather someone who lived a boring lifestyle in middle America and can pin-point my fellow "Well-Adjusted" brother or sister when she see's it.

The Do and Don'ts of Fronting as a Frey (ways to hide the fact you're really a Bambi-land Suburban Rager):

1. Don't seriously try and speak ghetto unless you have enough sass to pull it off (If you're questioning whether you have this sass then don't do it.) This includes referring to your apartment as your "crib"... referring to your apartment as your "pad" is ok if you don't mind people knowing that you're striving to be a yuppy in cool person's clothing.

2. Don't refer to Georgetown as G-Town (this relates to point number one, but I feel it necessary to state as its own point).

3. You're not a tortured hipster if you have anything in your apartment from IKEA.

4. If you can recite lines from Doogie Howser, Charles in Charge, and Family Ties you were A. way too sober during the late 80s; B. Yuppy enough to not only watch them but remember the lines; C. Again, were way too sober during the 80s to ever pass as a tortured junkie/juvenile delinquent.

**Do you have any advice for all those BSRs out there? Wish to share your stories of yuppie punkster fronters? Share your stories of BSRs with us and post your comments**